Reflective quotes from book Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

 1. "Let’s shine the light of consciousness on places where we can hope to find what we are seeking."

2. "I never feel more given to than when you take from me, when you understand the joy I feel giving to you. And you know my giving isn’t done to put you in my debt, but because I want to live the love I feel for you. To receive with grace may be the greatest giving. There’s no way I can separate the two. When you give to me, I give you my receiving. When you take from me, I feel so given to." —“Given To” (1978) by Ruth Bebermeyer

3. "People are disturbed not by things, but by the view they take of them." —Epictetus

4. "we get depressed because we’re not getting what we want, and we’re not getting what we want because we have never been taught to get what we want. Instead, we’ve been taught to be good little boys and girls and good mothers and fathers. If we’re going to be one of those good things, better get used to being depressed. Depression is the reward we get for being “good.” But, if you want to feel better, I’d like you to clarify what you would like people to do to make life more wonderful for you."

5. "If I clearly understand you intend no demand, I’ll usually respond when you call. But if you come across like a high and mighty boss, you’ll feel like you ran into a wall. And when you remind me so piously about all those things you’ve done for me, you’d better get ready: Here comes another bout! Then you can shout, you can spit, moan, groan, and throw a fit; I still won’t take the garbage out. Now even if you should change your style, It’s going to take me a little while before I can forgive and forget. Because it seems to me that you didn’t see me as human too until all your standards were met."

6. "Behind intimidating messages are merely people appealing to us to meet their needs. A difficult message becomes an opportunity to enrich someone’s life."

7. "When we listen for feelings and needs, we no longer see people as monsters."

8. "It may be difficult to empathize with those who are closest to us."

9. "Empathizing with someone’s “no” protects us from taking it personally."

10. "People do not hear our pain when they believe they are at fault."

11. "Humanity has been sleeping —and still sleeps— lulled within the narrowly confining joys of its closed loves."

12. "The ability to hear our own feelings and needs and empathize with them can free us from depression."

13. "if there is a long history of pain, it is important to offer enough empathy so that the parties feel reassured that their pain is being recognized and understood."

14. "I’m sure he already knows how much he means to me, I don’t need to express it out loud; besides, it might embarrass him if I put it into words.” As soon as these thoughts entered my head, I already knew they weren’t true. Too often I had assumed that others knew the intensity of my appreciation for them, only to discover otherwise. And even when people were embarrassed, they still wanted to hear appreciation verbalized.